I recently divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage. It was a huge thing for me, and the split together with the associated double move (via parents for 4 months to my own place) left me a bit numb. I'm now living in a new area and after a bit over 3 months I am finally starting to make new friends.
I've noticed however, having made myself a safe place with all my stuff I was doing a lot of watching TV or surfing sewing sites/sewing blogs that I've stopped doing new things again.
After a long period living with someone who liked things to be a particular way, living on my own and being able to have things my way has raised some interesting questions. "What do I like to eat/do" etc. So I am challenging myself to try some new things, as well as keeping plenty of things I know I like.
I also used overwork to get me through the split, so am trying work more reasonable hours and build in things which are part of that work/life balance.
At work I got myself a mentor through an official scheme. This is a older chap who works in different area to me, and is helping me with people management skills and my own career, which is a complete step change from the 'do the job' mind set I am normally in.
Socially/spiritually I found a church several weeks ago, where I felt at home, and which is large enough to have all kinds of people and various services, groups etc. I'm signed up to help with the teenagers, and go to meet the other leaders on Monday evening for the first time.
I've also made contact with the local rambling club (this is the hiking sort of rambling!) though I have yet to go on an actual walk.
I went back to the gym and tried the Zumba class on Friday after work (and am still recovering!), and I recently dug out the old digital SLR camera got some tips on how to use it and have charged the batteries etc. I've also scoped out some local places I can go walking on my own to get my fitness up a bit for the Rambling club as a lot of their walks are a bit long for me at the moment.
A few of my colleagues have been dropping hints about me dating, but its not something I really want to do. I think I need to work out what things I like to do for myself before I try and add anyone else into the equation.
I'm naturally a homebody and like my comfort zone, so my challenge to myself is to do one new thing each week - to a certain extent just to try things and see if I like it. So this could be a new exercise class at the gym, going out taking photos, taking a walk locally, porting iTunes from the old PC to the new etc.
I dare say a bit of sewing will sneak in along the way, and I still love to sew, but I also want to have other things in my life for richness and diversity.
I will keep you all posted - love Ruthie
15 comments:
Your tale of over-adapting to the point of being unsure of what YOU like to do reminds me of not knowing I had an opinion until I was at least 40 and in my second marriage.
These things take time and it seems that you are evolving your own life track in your own time. I see that you've found that sometimes it's easier to know what you don't want before you know what you do want.
Cheering you on from the right side of Florida!
That's a great plan! I'm cheering you on from the left side of Florida ... lol ... I'm about to be going through all of this myself and will remember your wise words. I also didn't realize you had been married 20 years. You must have been a toddler bride. ;-)
It sounds like you are right on track. I admire your pluck! Have fun exploring:-)
Awesome, Ruthie. These all sound like really fun things. Since you're a homebody, how about gardening?
It sounds like your life is going in a great direction Ruth. You sound really positive. I am also divorced ( although now happily remarried again) and I know the heartache and stress a divorce can cause . Embrace the freedom and the power to make all the decisions :-)) x
Gooooo, Ruthie!! My psychologist (bestest of gifts ;) told me to try something new--every day... In my case, maybe just walk up a different street, etc.
Hope that this transition time is one of the BESTEST times for you in your life, Ruthie!! It's YOURS, eh ;)
Warm hug,
Rhonda
Good for you Ruthie! I went through divorce after 20 years and so related to your comment about "what do I want to do, or eat". It took me awhile to catch my stride, but sounds like you have got a great healthy plan to get there. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
It will take you a while to find your feet and along the way you will try loads of new things. Some will stay, some won't. Be kind to yourself. I have moved to the other end of the country where I know no one, so each day I go out and walk somewhere new. It's a chance to reinvent. I'll be cheering you on from Tasmania!
"I think I need to work out what things I like to do for myself ". Ruthie, you sound as if you are doing exactly the right things to reach this goal. I admire your wisdom. I hope some of these things become new passions, but selfishly, hope you don't stop sewing!
You are more wise than you may know! No one could have written it better. "You will find what you look for" is so true. It is the positive act of searching that makes you a winner. And, as everyone says, I await your sewing creations as well. I've been lurking and following your blog for maybe 4 years! Best of wishes for you. From HOT Arizona, USA.
Cherie
Hi Ruthie! Good thinking about your life changes! I didn't know it was twenty years!
My husband works abroad at the moment, so for the part of the sudden freedom arranging your daily life I can relate. With a lot of work to do and a hobby like sewing, it is very easy to overdo the homebody thing. For a while I "forced" myself to meet up with people once a week.
Keep up the spirit!
I am so happy to hear you are getting on well and are finding things you enjoy!
Pray for wisdom!
Hi Ruthie --
I'm a little late to respond, but surely there's always room for one more to cheer you on.
Sounds as if you are working out the balance thing and testing, testing, testing to see what appeals to you...both wonderful ways to recalibrate after a huge life shift.
I'm a total nester/homebody in the best of times and a recluse in the not-so-great ones, so I applaud your efforts to get out and explore. I also think focusing on what makes you happy will help sort out the type of companions that you may want in the future!
I look forward to you new projects/reports....
I'm just reading back over older posts to get to know you better and well, this is definitely a get to know you post. It seems like you are well on your way to finding the real you on the inside.
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